help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
