My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
