Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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