Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
