you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
