the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My life is pants optional.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
