So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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