maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
