I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
