Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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