My nipple is on Facebook.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
