R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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