some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
