dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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