Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
bring money and cleavage
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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