I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
