i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
