this boner is exhausting
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
