I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
