We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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