OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
