I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
