If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you didnt know i had herpes?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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