OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
