i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
