I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
