and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
