after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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