you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
