i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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