ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
