Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
