I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
