break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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