i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
