@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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