Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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