when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
