Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
