What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
