Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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