I love black thongs
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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