saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
