i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
