I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
