So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
how drunk are you?
Several
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
