Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
