Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
