what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
