if you like me you must not know who I am
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
