i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
