they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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