Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
