Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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